Follow Me on Pinterest

Subscribe to blog:

Editorial Calendar

I’m going to Blissdom’12 as a Community Leader

I'm a Blissdom Community Leader!

I am so excited to announce that I will be attending my 2nd Blissdom Conference as a Community Leader!
If you are registered, please let me know via Twitter

If you haven’t yet registered, it’s not too late.  But you need to HURRY before they sell out…and they always do.

This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure policy here.

We’ve been run over by our adoption (the post I didn’t post then)

Disclaimer:
Do not worry about our family. We have our daughter.  This post was what I wrote when we were in the middle of potentially losing her. I wanted to share it because I think there are nuggets that might be helpful to others…
October 2010

I want to write passionately about adoption, particularly about our personal adoption journey. However, at the moment, I’d have to first scrape myself up off the highway because I feel as if I’ve gotten run over by a Mack truck.


The system is broken.  Adoption is like the wild, wild west.  The professionals you pay dearly for —well, I don’t want to talk about them right now.  Suffice it say that its a crap shoot. There are terrific private adoption attorneys—and not so great ones.  Great adoption agencies….and questionable ones.  Add to the mix that your friend may have used an adoption professional and had a great experience, while your personal experience is nothing short of a nightmare.

Here is the (somewhat) quick and dirty.  We may lose our daughter.  We’ve been denied (in my personal opinion) humane treatment and our situation has dragged on needlessly and cruelly for weeks and weeks. Now, we are in a situation that we have to beg  for our daughter, or at least the child they told us was our daughter. Maybe.  They’ll try to arrange that meeting.  Unlike the one they had specifically set up yesterday, but then arrived 3 1/2 hours late to.
Is the Birth Father considering signing adoption papers—even after you failed to serve him in the first place? Lets just show up 3 1/2 hours late!
I.Kid.You.Not
Is the adoptive family barely functioning at the thought of losing their child?  Well they will just have to sit and wait another 2 weeks for a meeting that will be blown off for another placementat the last minute.  Hey, they’ve already paid and there’s another placement fee check on the line!How will they find this out? By text message.  No need for a phone call.  We are busy and important adoption professionals.  Take what we’re offering. We are in control.  Don’t you know that we can make it so your book never even gets shown?

Do I sound angry? I must be coming out of the other side of grief. Perhaps that is a good sign? Well,  if I didn’t have to pull myself together to beg for my child that is.  Although why bother to pull yourself together when you really don’t even know WHEN or IF this meeting where you will be placed in the position of begging for your child will even occur?

Forget all the things you’ve carefully considered about your adoption plan. When you are holding the child you believed was yours in your arms, what lines will you cross then?

I never wanted to become one of those adoptive parents.  The ones the birth mothers talk about on their blogs. The ones that lie.  Make promises they never intend to keep.  Our promises to our daughter’s birth mother were (and are) sacred.  Etched in my heart.  Made carefully.

But what will I say now?  Can I look a birth father in the eye and say, “I’m sorry. That is not something we are prepared to do as a family. You can just have her back.”  Or will I convince myself that whatever type of adoption he thinks he wants right nowI will commit to for 18 years?Of course all of this is hypothetical. I don’t know what he wants.

Do I believe our daughter’s birth father had a right to meet us? YES.  I believe birth parents have a right to choose the adoptive families they are relinquishing their parental rights to.  However, I think that should have happened well before she was placed with us and we were told we were her parents.  Well before our children met their new baby sister.

Well before I held her in my arms and knew I would die for this child.

Now, instead of meeting a birth father about a child we may potentially adopt, we are meeting with a birth father about the daughter we stand to lose.  Those who oppose adoption may say that is what we deserve.

Does what I think matter?
All through our adoption process it was important to me that we didn’t leave a train wreck behind us in the wake of our blessing.   But never did I consider that the train wreck left behind would be my family.



I want so very much to praise Him in the midst of the unknown.  I want to. I just don’t know if I can.


**********************************************************************************

As many of you know, this story did indeed have a happy ending, but it almost didn’t. It is so important to educate yourself on adoption law when you begin this process and make sure that whomever you are using for your adoption is disclosing EVERYTHING.  We blindly trusted and learned some valuable lessons after the fact.



Just joining in? You can catch up from the beginning, here:

Waiting


God’s Perfect Timing


Placed into my arms

when children contemplate adoption 


The real reason, revealed (my first post about standing to lose our daughter)


Meeting my daughter’s birth father

The visit 
 
Everything to me 

I worry about overthinking adoption 
 
Gotcha Day—Baby Sister’s adoption is finalized!

Gotcha Day one year later

Adoption is complicated: part II 
 
Life Lessons & Surprises in our adoption journey 
 
I’m no longer drinking the adoption Kool-Aid 

What I’ve learned about adoption
 

This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure policy here.