October 2010 - Trophy Mom Diaries

The real reason, revealed

October 26, 2010 by Karin

I don’t want to write this post but I am aching so bad, I don’t know how not to write it. I don’t even know what to call it. Hence, my lousy title.

As most of you know, last weekend was the Relevant conference. I was so excited to go. Okay, I was nervous about going but looking forward to meeting everyone and spending time with my amazing roommates Amy Bayliss and Marsha.

Then, my house was invaded by a virus. It hit every single person in our family except for Big Daddy. Being a Road Warrior he wasthankfully out of town for most of it and when he was home he wore a face mask. I kid you not…even to bed.

Baby Sister was the last to get it. Although I tried my best it was inevitable with all the sneezing and coughing that was being done around her and in her face. Sick 2 year old sisters are hard to keep away. They want their Mama too and still want to kiss their baby sister (snot covered faces be darned). As I said, I tried, but it was inevitable.

Baby Sister ended up on a nebulizer. It made things a bit more comfortable her and impossible for me to consider a) taking her to Pennsylvania and b) leaving her at home with Big Daddy. Not that Daddy isn’t capable. But, you know how it is.

As we got closer to Relevant Amy received horrible news and needed to stay behind to care for her family and process it all.

Then, I found out the real reason I needed to stay home as well. Our daughter’s adoption may not go through. She was placed into my arms 41 days ago but in some ways it feels like she has always been my child. There are no words to describe the many ways my heart is breaking right now. The fear that is coursing through my veins and the anguish I will feel if I have to tell my children that Baby Sister isn’t staying forever, like I promised.

I’m not ready to talk about the hows and whys of it, because honestly, when all is said and done, if I have to relinquish my daughter, does it really matter whose fault it is? Will that bring her back to me?

I believed that God wrote Baby Sister’s adoption story. I believed that He gave me the signs I asked for (unusual peace and speed) to show us that this was indeed His plan for our family. I want to still believe that. I want to believe that He will show up in a GIANT way and against all odds I will raise my daughter. If that happens it will be completely to His glory because there is not currently event the slightest crumb of hope—except in Him and through Him.

Amy missed Relevant too, but in the midst of pain and peace, God spoke to her, and she didn’t need to go to Relevant to hear it.

I hope He will speak clearly to me too and that no matter what happens I can honor Him and glorify Him through my actions and words.

I humbly ask you to lift Amy’s family and my family up in prayer.

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Faith found online

October 23, 2010 by Karin

Today I wanted to share with you some posts on faith that had me thinking this week. I hope they inspire you to think about the scripture and the amazing gift (and resource) we have in the Holy Bible.

Chatting at the Sky: 31 days of Grace
Coffee Shop Journal: Mind like still water
Other such happenings: John 3:3

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The call to motherhood —-even for the childless

October 21, 2010 by Karin

Today I received what had to have been the best compliment I have ever received from someone. That she is a woman I admire is just icing on the cake!

Do you want to know what it is?

She told me that she believed I was specifically called to Motherhood and from the moment she met me in bible study she could see that motherhood held a different meaning for me. It was something deeper and more intentional.

Imagine, that.

Me, the infertile one.

Me the motherless one.

I was called to motherhood.

The deepest yearning of my heart has led to the contentment of my soul—- through the gift of motherhood.

And it’s visible.

How encouraging that is for someone who frequently feels she falls short; Who goes to bed almost every night thinking, “I could have done today better. I have to try harder tomorrow.”

Is this you, too?

I am so glad that my intentions are visible. That my purpose and calling show through the imperfect mess that is me. I hope it glorifies God.

But I would be remiss if I didn’t address a burden I see on the childless. What happens if you feel called to motherhood but your arms are empty? What about the women who are waiting on a husband, or waiting to afford IVF, or waiting on an adoption placement? What about those women?

Sisters, I believe you are called to mother before you are called to be a mother. You don’t have to give birth to someone to mother them. You don’t need signed adoption papers to begin mothering someone.

I believe that God is a loving God and not a cruel one. I believe He would never give you a strong desire for something that He doesn’t intend to bless you with. I do think that sometimes we don’t see His will. Sometimes the path He chooses for us is different than the typical path, or different than the path we imagined. But that should not detract us from believing and wanting God’s best for us.

So, don’t let your current childlessness keep you from using your mothering gifts.

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The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

October 18, 2010 by Karin

I must admit that after one episode I am ADDICTED to the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Just addicted. I know it’s a sin. But have you seen it? It is hard to take your eyes off of.

As someone who used to live in Beverly Hills, it is truly a fantasy world. But not one that I could handle living on a daily basis…I’d be too exhausted. I’m too lazy and heaven knows I don’t want to deal with managing 4 nannies round the clock. I like my privacy and I hate managing people.

Are you watching? What is your first impression of the show? I will save mine for the next episode so as to not color yours.

But one thing my husband keeps asking me that I don’t have an answer to is this, Why would someone put themselves through being on a reality show? Especially some of these wives who already have money, power, celebrity and status?

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What my Relevant Roomies should know about me

October 14, 2010 by Karin

I’m terribly shy in person when meeting people for the first time, or in large crowds with people I haven’t yet met. People are generally surprised to know that about me so I thought I’d throw it out there. If I’m quiet and not making much eye contact, it’s not you, it’s me.

Because I’m not a good networker I don’t think I’m going to bother coming with cool cards to pass out—-because I won’t have the nerve to pass any out anyway. I still have some left over from BlogHer 10 and if I can find them, I’m going to bring them…just in case anyone asks.

I go to bed early. As in before 10PM. I’m not a night person (unless my insomnia hits) and after a day spent trying to act like I’m not shy I will probably need to go to bed at 8:30PM. But the good news is, that I can sleep through anything—lights, talking, television, etc. I just pull the covers completely over my head and pass out. Unless the insomnia hits. Then I toss and turn all night.

I cannot read with background music or noise. I like silence for that. But don’t worry. I’m going to leave the books at home this trip!

I’m still on the fence about bringing Baby Sister. I am leaning towards bringing her because she is the easiest baby on the planet (and I want to show her off)…but I might not bring her because posting that your baby is the easiest baby on the planet is probably a major JINX. So I’m going to rethink that. Much like I should have rethought bragging to Big Daddy that I NEVER get sick leading to my unhealthy demise that included Pumpkin telling me I kinda look like a grandma now.

I might be too detail oriented for my own good. Sometimes I lose my way in conversations (see above) and go easy on me, because I’m shy (when meeting people for the first time) and its hard enough for me to talk in public as it is.

I have not read up on or prepared for Relevant in any way. So I’m going to need you to guide me. Just point the way and tell me what I need to do and I’ll do it. I’m still trying to figure out blogging and my place in the blogging world.

I have a sugar addiction. I eat more when I’m stressed…or nervous. Don’t get between me and a candy bowl is all I’m saying. The fastest way to make friends with me is to ask me if I want to join you for dessert. But order your own. I don’t like to share desserts. Got it?

I am VERY excited about seeing Marsha again and meeting Amy in person for the first time! I love those girls and I consider being their roommate an early birthday present to me!

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